Walking past an off licence today, I saw a sign in the window: did you know that 2 to 3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. I like this sentiment, as it is the slightly rebellious antidote to the chief medical officer’s statement today, that every time we lift a glass of wine to our lips, we must think about how that glass is taking us a step closer to cancer. Cancer is horrible and scary, but the thought of being held to ransom through fear on a Friday night, glass in hand, is even more scary.
Before I cross a road, I don’t immediately think of death. I think about assessing the risk in order to prevent death. I suppose that this is essentially what the CMO is telling us to do, but it gets our middle class drinkers’ backs up. Remember your Green Cross Code, as Tufty Fluffytail can’t always be looking out for you, but the Nanny State can.
In today’s paper it also says that an extra hour spent sitting down over the course of each week is linked with a 22% increased risk of having type 2 diabetes. So I shall make sure that I drink at least 3 of my allowable 14 units this week, whilst standing. This, coupled with the fact that red wine is apparently good for you and an article last week stating that half a bottle of red wine a day keeps you trim, especially when washed down with a couple of cups of coffee, all makes me agree with Dad when he used to tell me: you can always find a newspaper article to back up your vices. I have to say though, I am struggling to find articles condoning chewing pen lids, picking the fruit bits out of the Fruit and Fibre packet late at night and using daughter 1’s Lady Million perfume without her knowledge, but I do know for sure, that in this house, people are watching me…