I have noticed that I am reducing the lives of the people around me, into a series of emoticons. As I summarise their life and emotions into this neat little package, I do wonder whether the receiver is irritated by it. Friend has flu, I have the answer: not sympathy and flowers, but an emoticon with a mask over its face, which is basically telling her: don’t come near me or my family at this time. Friends’ entire family is struck down by flu. Do I offer to cook them dinners for a week? No, I text 4 emoticons with masks over their faces.
Similarly love. Love has been reduced to easy sound bites through the emoticon. I can send partner nine different hearts in two seconds flat to illustrate my deep and sincere love…so much easier than organising a romantic meal out and we certainly don’t have time for dirty weekends, so the aubergine and cherry emoticons just have to do.
I find myself getting irritated when I can’t quite find the one to fit the sentiment. I scroll through, searching for that perfect emoji, that will save me the bother of a phone call.
Sometimes I receive a text with an emoji that I don’t know and I spend ages trying to work out what spin the sender is putting on their words. It’s easy to get paranoid with emojis: they have the ability to change meaning, to convey irony, sarcasm and wit in a way that leaves me wondering how the Brontë sisters managed without them. But now I have discovered that there is an emojipedia. Look out – coming to a library near you!
Emoticons roll with the times: one for a man and woman kissing, but also for two men and two women kissing. But where is the one that says: ‘just piss off and leave me alone’? We need one that sticks two fingers up. I was amused when I got my new phone and saw that I can now add skin tone to my hand signals. This would be useful if I want to give someone the ‘V’. I’d choose dark brown and say, ‘that wasn’t me!’