Onesies and Crocs – Don’t Judge.

Daughters 3 and 4 bouncing in onesie heaven

I have an aversion to onesies, not that I’m judging. Some of my lovely readers may well pop one on after they’ve done the school run. Hell, they may do the school run in it (see blog: Mamas in Pyjamas), but personally, they aren’t my bag. 

Back in the Middle Ages, my sister had one. I hated it even way back then, with its prudish zip that went up to her neck. She was a teenager goddamn it, and I felt she should have been letting it all hang out – I was! She loved that cosy onesie and no amount of sibling ribbing could unzip her. 

Fast forward 30 years and the bloody things are back to haunt me. I don’t think big sister has one of the current trend but her kids do, my kids do, I’ll bet your kids do. I see them all coming out of swimming lessons in them on a Friday night: a stream of onesies – is there a collective noun for that yet? There’s surely enough people wearing them to warrant their own word. They look like a crowd of little furry animals: hoods up with ears, but school shoes spoil the look and what do you do if your onesie has built in feet? Well, I know what you do because my kids have them. Put the bin outside please. I can’t, I’m in my onesie. Put the big crocs on then. Built in feet are no barrier to chores in our house. No excuse has gone unturned. Do your washing up. I’m already upstairs. Walk. Put your clothes away. I’ll miss the train. So? Clean the skid marks. I’m meeting facetime friend in 2 minutes. And? 

Daughter 4 and dog 2 both with ears

Back to onesies and CROCS. Now I mention those hideous beasts I feel they need their own sound bite. Never was a more ugly shoe ever invented. Ask my two best buds about crocs and they will explode like Mount Vesuvius. Number 1 New Zealand friend refuses to let her hubby wear them. Partner wears his into the office in our garage over his slippers, but usually forgets to take off his crocs. It’s a look that will never get into Vogue. It’s a dreadful look. Number 1 friend works in said office – she’s never impressed. Dog 2 chewed up partner’s first pair of crocs and I’m still pretty sure that Number 1 friend fed them to him.

  Partner de la mode (not)

Now, I did begin this by saying that I wouldn’t judge…but I am going to end it with a judgement: if there is one thing worse than onesies, onesies with in built feet, onesies with crocs and crocs with slippers: IT’S MEN IN ONESIES. All I’m going to say on that matter is that it’s wrong, just so very wrong. Judgement Day has come.

Here is the link to the video daughters 3 and 4 made to support this blog: