Smile for the helfie (selfies are so Kim)

I just have to have a word about selfies. Firstly, that ‘helfie’. I mean, I am a bad flyer. If there is a weeny bit of turbulence, I panic. If there is turbulence and we have to put our seatbelts on, I have to do my breathing exercises I learnt in my NCT classes. If there was a man claiming to be wearing a bomb, I can’t say what I would do, but I can tell you for absolute bloody certain, it would not involve taking a photo. Our narcissistic selfie obsessed society has finally gone awol.

I was first introduced to selfies by my step daughter. I honestly could not get my head around her obsession to take photos of herself. I’ll be honest, I found it weird. Oh, how naive I was. I now have four more girls who are constantly taking selfies and what’s worse, they are dragging me down with them! Let’s take a selfie mum, they chirp, proceeding to vie for the best position, leaving me in the dud light. When I then dare to suggest it’s a good photo of us, they demand that I delete it immediately.

Every time I turn on my bloody phone, I am faced with another photo of one daughter or another who had hijacked it and taken a selfie pulling a silly face. Why can’t you make nice faces, I plead with them. Why do you have to look like idiots? But the real idiots are the people who take selfies while being chased by bulls or with black bears. There is even a term: selfie walkers, people who climb mountains in shorts and end up having to be rescued at great expense and danger to others – but thank god they have the photo to prove it!

On close inspection of the helfie (hijack selfie) even I can see that the suicide vest looks a bit Blue Peter and I love the fact that, in the face of adversity, Ben Innes is still sucking his stomach in.

So, I leave you with some selfie tips, from a PhD student, who analysed 2 million selfies on the Internet (and that was just Kim Kardashian’s). Because we are all about to be swept away in the wave of the selfie revolution: ride that wave baby, ride that wave!

ps…
you can now get your dirty paws on a flying selfie stick, if that blows your hair back. The Roam-e apparently looks like an electric toothbrush with helicopter blades and it will follow you around for 20 minutes before it needs recharging…please don’t anyone tell Kim…