Many of the debates and arguments I have with my teenage daughters, boil down to perception. It doesn’t surprise me that I have a very different perception of things to them. I am, after all, about 30 years older. What really interests me, however, is how perceptions can vary so much, even in a group from a similar demographic.
My thoughts were prompted by one of my blogs: Super Service, getting into the newspaper. The article was about a cartoon of a female on the back of a school bus. I felt that it was inappropriately sexualised.
The article generated several comments and from these I would surmise that the majority of people agreed with my point of view, whilst some naturally didn’t. Nothing new there. What interests me though, is that some of the mothers who responded said that they didn’t see anything sexual about the image at all. In fact, what they saw was a strong, powerful woman. One lady even said how the cartoon resembled her daughter and went on to list her daughter’s vital statistics. My brain began to whirr. Many who disagreed with me felt that we have bigger issues to worry about and that this is the least of our worries. But is it?
You see, ours is the adult perspective. Whilst some mums may only see power and strength represented in the cartoon, what their 13 year old daughters are seeing may well be very different. Young girls are bombarded with highly sexualised images of females on line, in magazines and on the TV and research shows that it affects them. It undermines their self confidence and is detrimental to their mental health. A 13 year old girl may look at that cartoon and see yet another image that she feels unable to emulate: huge boobs, a tiny waist, full lips and a thigh gap to die for. These girls won’t necessarily see the superhero that their mum is seeing. Their daughters are at an age when they are able to look at an image and form a critique, but that critique may very well be detrimental to themselves.
My brain continued to whirr. Perception: one mum watches her 4 year old daughter gyrating to Beyoncé with pride, whilst another wonders with bewilderment and sadness where on earth she learnt those moves. One mum will buy make up for her 7 year old daughter, while another will look at her 16 year old go off to school with her face caked in make-up and shake her head. How many of us have watched documentaries on American beauty queens and thought: wtf?
We need to be aware of perception. Not just to avoid constant arguments with our teenagers, but to understand that what we perhaps think is ok, because of our adult perception, may actually mean something very different to our children. Whilst as parents we may well think there are more important things to worry about, a young, impressionable girl has worries that are very different to ours.
Considering others perceptions is really helpful in life. In this image I see both a strong woman and a sexualised one and can’t help but want to see strong non sexualised women portrayed out there. thought provoking post. #Marvmondays
Well said and thank you for your comments.
I am so in love with your blog. You are so spot again again this week! This is why I get sacred too, all the things Aspen is seeing and hearing and then April may only be 9 by she is watching her big sister closely and see’s her as her role model. I am lucky that at their school make up is banned through to they leave school at 18, and their skirts must be below the knee. But still the media is everywhere and what they wear outside of school is up to them (and the parents). At Aspen’s 12th birthday one girl had a tiny top on and the test of them were in full jumpers as it was cold. It is confusing as a mum. I don’t want my daughter to be ‘un cool’ but I am more worried about her being sexualised and trying to be something she is not! I hope I am a strong role model, I hope she see’s the amazing relationship I have with her father and how he respects me and I hope she demands respect in her life too. I need to stop worrying, but still not put the blinders on somehow! #mg and also #anythinggoes
Thank you so much for your lovely comment 🙂 It is a worry, but what I’ve discovered is that no amount of worrying about them actually helps! So now I try to worry less. My second daughter wears make up because it makes her feel more confident. They wear their school skirts short because everyone does. I still comment on the fact that I don’t particularly like it, but these things aren’t causing trouble and so I try to let go of them a little. I comment on their see through leggings, but none of my 4 have ever stopped wearing them as a result, so now I worry less about that too. All girls their age are doing the same sorts of things and at some point as a parent, we must let go of some of our worries. Perceive things from their view point and, as you say, be the best role models we can be. x
This is so interesting, I’ve never really thought about perception when I am arguing it my twelve year old! You make a really important point and I will bear it in mind the next time we fall into an argument! #mg
I’d not really given it much thought before the newspaper article on my blog and then it dawned on me! Thank you for commenting.
Did you ever watch ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’? The dancing from the children on that show made me feel sick. I am definitely the Mum that would be mortified to see such dance moves being performed by children. I’m not all that enamoured about seeing Beyoncé do it!
#anythinggoes
No, I haven’t seen it, but I can imagine. I hate seeing little girls dancing provocatively. Thank you for your comments.
This is so on point, I now listen to music in such a different way as a mum, some lyrics can be awful and then all the dancing onto of it! plus those american beauty toddlers and tiaras is just obscene. thanks for sharing #bigpinklink
Thank you so much for your comments. My teens sing the lyrics out loud around the house and seem to think that it’s ok to swear or mention sex, because it’s part of the lyrics – dreadful.
It’s like they don’t even know what half of it means and also they shouldn’t know what it means. I play lots of Motown which is just happy and generally about love! X
When I used to work in a gym, a few years back, I was genuinely shocked by the music videos that were playing 24/7. Some of them were basically soft porn. My girls were babies then. Now they are singing this stuff – I want to cry! x
Half the time they don’t even know what it means and if they do they probably shouldn’t! I play lots of Motown and soul music at home which is generally happy and about love! X
Love your post yet again. I totally agree with how you touched on the difference in perspective in regards to age. I’m only 23 years old myself, and when I see that cartoon image I don’t think it defines strong, independent woman etc, like yourself I focus only on the body shape which relates to the focus on sexualised image of a woman of it I guess. I dislike the shows like Toddlers and Tiaras etc that show young girls to be growing too quickly and into a very shaky industry too. However, my 21 month old does see music videos and will copy and mimic but I don’t believe this to be anything as she is young and just being an innocent child knowing no different – it is worrying that all music videos, especially woman have a certain theme though.
Quick side note too, a older post of yours inspired me last week to discuss media, celebrities and pop culture – I mention and link you at the beginning – feel free to have a read over it 🙂 https://nomanualtomummy.com/2016/10/14/why-ive-fell-out-with-media-celebrities-and-pop-culture/
#bigpinklink
Thank you so much for your comments. I’ve read your post and it is really thought provoking. Thank you for the mention x
It’s so sad that kids can’t just be kids these days. I don’t remember seeing images like that when I was growing up. It’s all so in your face these days. I didn’t start wearing make up until I was 14 or 15 and even then it was minimal. I certainly wasn’t comparing myself to anyone. It seems it was so much easier back then. I feel sorry for kids these days. Too much pressure, too young.
There is so much pressure on them, because it’s all so final once it’s ‘out there’ on social media. There’s almost no going back, so the pressure to get it as perfect as possible the first time is immense. They are also in constant competition with each other: who can get the most, ‘likes’. Thank you for your comments.
It’s so true isn’t it and I hate some of the idols our children grow up with in provocative clothes, make up, attitude and cosmetic surgery. It seems girls today now think they need a nose job and botox by the age of 30 to fit in! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays
Yes! Plastic surgery is considered part of growing up – awful.
I don’t really know how I feel about this. Obviously, I don’t think it’s a good idea to make young girls feel bad about themselves. I’m just not sure that media representation affects them as much as the “experts” claim. Remember, these experts are only commenting on very small samples.
I just can’t remember a time as a teenager when my friends and I compared ourselves to media images. Sure, we had bodily insecurities, but I think we would have had those same insecurities regardless of what models/popstars etc looked like.
Using the cartoon from your post, I would be more concerned that the company think this is appropriate on a bus – it in no way represents the company – it’s basically telling children that sex sells. While that is certainly true for adults, I don’t think it’s a great way to advertise services aimed at kids.
Great post, it really got me thinking!
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
Thank you so much for your comments – which got me thinking too! I agree about the bus company. I think nowadays, compared with when I was young, there is more pressure on looking a certain way, as it’s so ‘in their faces’: their idols getting plastic surgery, the selfie culture, programmes that follow celebs around 24/7 and kids want to emulate them. From the feedback on my post on Facebook, several parents of tweens in particular said that their daughters didn’t like the image on the bus and talked about ‘pressure’. Of course, this is a small sample too!
Really thought provoking post, I find it really fascinating and wonderful how each of us can have a completely different perspective of something. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x
Thank you so much for your comments x