As I was cleaning the loo this morning – a place where I have gained inspiration for a fair few of my blogs – I thought about how, after daughters, partner, family, friends and pets, toilet duck is one of the few things I couldn’t live without. I, along with countless others, just have to have a clean loo and to obtain this look, toilet duck is one of life’s essentials for harmony and well being. This set me off thinking about what I would take to a desert island, if I were only allowed three things – Kirsty Young is very strict. Well, I couldn’t take daughters, as there’s 4 of them and really – how would you choose? I could take partner, but he’d need to look after the girls, and we have 4 pets. Family may just piss me off, if the clichéd family Christmas is anything to go by, so that leaves friends and the toilet duck from my list of life’s essentials. No need for toilet duck on an island, as I know from watching Bear Grylls that you just piss and crap in the sea, so friends it is.
Loo cleaned, I jumped in the car for a trip to pick up a sick daughter from school. As coincidence would have it, desert island discs was on the radio, with a leading scientist and guru on nuclear power being interviewed. Wow! I thought. This should be interesting. Now, I’m sure that Dame Sue Ion is really clever and no doubt an amazing role model for girls who are keen on Science and maybe it was the Lancashire accent that didn’t help, but God that woman sounded boring. So boring, in fact, that when I reached the top of the hill, where I always lose 50% signal and pick up French radio, mixed with Italian, it actually livened her up and helped make what she was saying, a little more spicy.
At the end of the programme, Kirsty asked her what three things she would like to take with her to the island. Now, I thought to myself, I would be surprised if she said: a vibrator, spare batteries and a Meatloaf cd. She didn’t. She’s a top advisor on nuclear power, perhaps she’ll choose a miniature nuclear power station, something that will make a huge explosion and a nuclear reactor. She didn’t. She did, however, salvage it all with choosing a guitar. Perhaps there is a supersonic, explosive, rock goddess hidden deep inside her, just waiting to combust.
Dame Sue ‘Rock God’ Ion