Just a Bunch of Disenchanted, Narcissistic Trolls

Ok, so what I’ve gathered over the past few weeks, is that we’re a human race full of disenchanted, body image confused, narcissistic, trolling commitment phobes…but apart from that, we’re doing ok. If you are able to get past Boris as Foreign Secretary and Donald Trump as potential President of one of the most powerful countries in the world – powerful, despite being complete nutters in so many respects: gun laws spring to mind. 

Brexit illustrated how fed up people are with, well generally everything. They just want a goddamn change and bugger the consequences. We’re British (just about) and we’ll pull through. 

We’re body image confused, because one minute we’re being told to eat nothing but carrots, so that we can have the beach body of a stick insect and the next minute we’re being told to embrace our curves, as long as we do it confidently and whilst smiling, eating organic chocolate and knocking back bottles of red wine with all their life enhancing flavonoids. But don’t, for god’s sake put on weight if you’re a celebrity, because suddenly you’ll find that you are being branded as pregnant with Jesus’ love child and it’s a girl, in case you were wondering. You’re calling her Monica and decorating her nursery in Cath Kidston. Oh, and by the way, it’s a miracle (presumably because you’re so old) and it’s saved your marriage. Sorry, what? You’re saying you’re not pregnant? Bollocks to that. Don’t let minor details get in the way of a good story. 


We’re narcissistic because Snap chat and Instagram have made us that way. It’s not our fault. Facebook got the ball rolling, Twitter took up the baton: I’m eating a sandwich #nice – I don’t fucking care, but please like my photo on Instagram, because if I get less that 50, it’s an epic fail. No holds barred- I’ll send the tit pic and sod the consequences. Whaddaya mean it’s a criminal offence? Get it out there – don’t worry that it’s now gone around the entire school and the police are knocking on every year 10 boys’ door. 

Someone dared to kiss their own child on the lips. OMG, that’s DISGUSTING! Out come the trolls: you’re not getting over this bridge you dirty bastards, we’re going to gobble you up, they say to the goats, who are generally just decent people wanting to carry on with their lives – where, by the way, the grass may, or may not be greener. You voted for Brexit? Rot in hell! You left your kid in the car while you went and paid for your petrol? Child abuse! Call the Social Services. What do you mean, they’re not available due to staff shortages? 

Image result for billy goats gruff story images

Have you ever thought about how attention seeking we’ve become as a human race? We’re feeding the trolls all the fodder they need by actually engaging with them. I’m sure that they are professionals, paid by Zuckerberg to keep Facebook alive. Then there’s the selfies and oh my, the shallowness of it all. Love Island – nuff said. People can’t get enough of this shit. Has Big Brother died a death yet, or are we onto BB100? How much more can we all take? People’s eyes are glazed over with the sycophantic abuse they’ve been assaulted with. It all makes Eastenders look like a vaguely interesting documentary on real life in that part of London. Next it will be studied for A level Sociology along with the next anti-classic for English Lit. For God’s sake don’t veer away from the shallows, for fear of getting engulfed by a wave of deep and interesting debate. Kids don’t know how to debate anymore. Hell, they can’t even communicate with each other unless there’s a screen involved. What hope is there for a good, old fashioned debate about anything? Please don’t for fucks sake have an opinion on anything, because it will divert you from the important task in hand of getting a date on Tinder, whilst propping up the student union bar. Commitment? Sorry, what’s that? Is it spelt with two ‘m’s? 

So, what are the positives that exist that we can chat to our kids about over our next family meal? (That incidentally will consist of exactly NOT what I have seen on a cookery programme or Pinterest, but probably of pasta with a Dolmio Bolognaise sauce). The positives are that technology is advancing and with the advent of the driverless car, we can all pile in, drive to the pub, get shitfaced and just care less. 

 If you enjoy my blog, I would be very grateful if you voted for me in the Mumsnet Blogging Awards: Best Writer and best Comic Writer categories. It is a quick one – takes seconds and here’s the link, thank you 🙂http://www.mumsnet.com/events/blogging-awards/2016

33 thoughts on “Just a Bunch of Disenchanted, Narcissistic Trolls”

  1. People seem to have lost the concept of the fact that its ok for someone to do something and for you not to agree with it. It doesnt give you the right to hurl abuse at them, and it doesnt make you better than them. Truly strange times. I’m a huge advocate of social media but it does have a lot to answer for in terms of lack of tolerance of alternative lifestyles. Love your blog, by the way! #brillblogposts

    1. Thank you! And yes, what you say is so true. I have very mixed feelings about social media, but as bloggers we certainly can’t shy away from it! Thank you for all your comments.

    1. Wow, what an interesting/scary article – thanks for linking it. Is the future our kids can look forward to? A world reduced to whether others ‘like’ you or not in a thumbs-up or down emoji? Ugh! Take me back to my 70s childhood please!

  2. Really enjoyed the read – and all so true! I do sometimes feel like I’ve had to get on board with social media much more than I would’ve liked to since blogging, it’s part and parcel of it I suppose. But before that I was pretty bad with it! Ironic. I admit that I do like a bit of reality TV (Love Island – sorry!) but it really is getting out of hand, who even watches BB any more?? I struggle soooo much with selfies – it’s all a little ridiculous. Well said! #coolmumclub

    1. Thank you for all your comments. I’ll forgive you for Love Island – my kids were obsessed with it, so I was pretty turned off it by that! It got in the way of normal (wassat?!) family life. They are also obsessed with selfies…beam me up!

  3. Oh my goodness I am having to deal with a troll right now! What is with these people? And when did everyone get so nasty? Whatever happened to having each other’s back? Great post and thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    1. Oh no! You poor thing. It’s so unsettling when people are nasty in such a faceless way. I agree – what has happened to us all looking out for each other? Thank you for your comments and good luck with your troll 🙁

  4. I want to high five you right now! brilliant post. There’s too much to pick out what I agree with, from the selfies, the kiss, “pregnancy” there’s so much shallowness and crap right now- put that against real issues to moan at and it all seems beyond petty and ridiculous! #momsterslink

  5. Amazing post as always Alison! Made me worn out reading it you – have so much energy to your writing! You raise important issues. It’s so true what you say. I have to say, as a blogger, the social media side of it hasn’t come naturally to me. But I am gradually getting there and accepting it is part of life now! X #momsterslink

  6. So true. Social Media and vlogging which now everyone seems to be doing (ahem, myself included) means that people are showing even more of themselves to the world in order to validate themselves. I fear for teenagers living thru this time. But I am also a perpetrator. Ugh! I hate hate hate the media bombardment of Jennifer Anniston’s private life and love that she faced off with the trolls. Really great post. #Stayclassymama

    1. Yes, her response was good. It’s a shame it got to that, though. Us bloggers certainly can’t shy away from social media advances, but it’s easy to see its nasty side. Thank you so much for your comments.

  7. Thank you for writing this article – a voice of reason in a sea of madness! I can’t believe people have time to dish dirt on others while being too busy for their friends in the real world. Have you read Jon Ronson’s ‘So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed’? Fascinating insight into our share-all culture.

    1. Thank you for all your comments. I haven’t read that book, but I’ll take a look – it sounds interesting.

  8. In my 43 years of life I have come to the conclusion that I’m happy who I am and don’t care what anyone else thinks. But trying to teach that to a younger generation when there’s so much “garbage” being published makes me want to just watch “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” all day. I hate the news, the trolls, and the things that our youth think are so important today. Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink … Do hope you will join me tomorrow as I had to delay the linky for a day.

  9. At least you know where you stand with Mickey Mouse and the day that changes, we’re all doomed! Thank you for your comments. See you tomorrow!

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