There’s been a lot in the media about how much alcohol the middle classes get through per day. It got me thinking, what would be the definition of a REALLY BAD day with the kids? I think it would go something like this:
6am
What wine goes with Cheerios?
7am
There’s caffeine in coffee. There’s wisdom in wine: let’s stay in our pyjamas today kids and eat haribos!
8am
I’m going to have a coffee to help me wake up, (having been woken up at 5am again) and wine to help me accept that this is going to happen every bloody morning for the foreseeable future.
10am
Either give me a glass of wine or fuck off with your: my baby sleeps through the night already!
11am
Mumeeeeee, MUUUMEEEE, MUUUUUUMEEEEEE!!! Wine is a necessary form of punctuation, in an otherwise monotonous dialogue.
12pm
One more glass of wine and I really will stop giving a shit. You know I normally say no TV in the afternoon – fuck it – fill your boots!
1pm
I know what I’m saying, but the wine’s doing the thinking: Peppa Pig is a jumped up, egotistical little moron!
2pm
Wine is basically grapes and therefore one of my five a day. Eat your banana sweetheart, mummy’s having a great big bunch of grapes.
3pm
I’m not counting your cups of tea, so stop counting my glasses of wine! (Don’t judge! Until YOU have dealt with my kids on a daily basis, don’t judge).
4pm
The kids woke me up at 5am, so technically I can open the wine at 4pm.
5pm
WINE! Because today’s shit is probably not going to improve TOMORROW! (At least the kids are already in their pyjamas).
6pm
I use wine in the same way as my husband uses duct tape – it fixes EVERYTHING! (Even having to watch: In the Night Garden on repeat. Fuck off Iggle Piggle. Just FUCK OFF!!)
7pm
What matters at the end of the day, isn’t the wine, it’s the moments you’ve had with your children, the memories you’re created, the people you’ve met…no, fuck it. It’s the wine that matters. Definitely the wine!
8pm
Wine is just an early morning headache, waiting to happen…helped by the 3 year old using my head as a trampoline.
10pm
Night, night.
Sleep tight.
See you in the morning
Even if you’re snoring…and have a really bad hangover – I’ll STILL be there at 5am to say: muuumeeee, MUUMEEEEEE, MUUUUUUMEEEEEEE!!!
oh this is just brilliant! What wine goes with cheerios? Oh that state of mind that just says I’ve had enough and there is no turning this mood around! Just got funnier as I read – and ouch to the 5am child alarm clock #chucklemums
Yes, I can honestly say that my day has never been that bad! I’m glad it made you chuckle
Lovely, lovely wine. I start the week thinking I’ll have a booze-free week then by Thursday I start thinking about wine at about 7.45am. Sometimes Wednesday. #chucklemums
Ha, same! Thank you for commenting.
I think a nice Pinot Noir goes well with Cheerios, and Weetabix! Bottoms up!
#chucklemums
Euuurrggh, can you imagine! Cheers!
I’ve written this before but when the health visitor came, I was suckling the babe and taking nips of guinness from the baby’s bottle while he slept. Iron supplements see. The face of the the HV was a picture as she thought i was giving it to my son. Enjoy the cereal and i recommend the excellent Chateau Cherie ‘Ors. Jo #chucklemums
Brilliant! My HV recommended Guinness when my first daughter was born 🙂 I’ll have to try that wine – which vintage do you recommend?! Thank you for commenting.
Haha, wine goes better with weeto’s in my experience #chucklemums
Haha if you say so 🙂