I’ve always had a sensitive side – worrying what people think and not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings with what I say or do. Of course, this is normal. However, more recently I have become on constant hyper alert…and I think it’s a shame.
Firstly, came the e mails from my ex. I would e mail one thing and he would e mail back in a rage. Try as I might, I couldn’t see it from his point of view. I would read and re-read what I wrote and couldn’t work out what I had said that set him off. I would get my friends to read it and they couldn’t work it out either. However, I know that you can always read an e mail using a tone that reflects your own feelings and perhaps insecurities.
Then there is social media. Sometimes I read in disbelief the angry reactions from people to fairly innocent sounding posts. I came off Facebook for a while because of this. Faceless Book I call it – where people feel they can say what they want, because nobody can see them. These people are cowards, who are hiding behind the protective glass of their screen. Bullies, who don’t see the face drop and contort into disgust and tears as their victim reads the vindictive comments. The bully just scrolls on.
It is these cyber bullies who help to create this irrational fear of hurting someone’s feelings. With the internet, e mails and social media sites, has come the ability to innocently offend, while at the same time the heightened paranoia that you have hurt someone’s feelings with a reply to a post or a tweet. Before this, we relied on more human contact to correspond, where misinterpretations could be easily questioned and dealt with – without the worry of coming across as a social retard. Humour is far more easily inferred verbally, than through words on a screen, where subtle and important nuances can be lost.
It’s not just humour that can get lost in onscreen translation – meaning can too. People can only make sense of a comment with what they read and while of course a discussion can ensue, it is far harder to conduct a debate clearly through a quick fire exchange of the written word.
Never has this been so evident than in the past week since the referendum. I have read many, many posts on Facebook, discussing the result and not only have I been pretty shocked at the level of nastiness in the exchanges, often in response to a mild point of view, but also how many people who voted to leave the EU, are beginning to admit that they won’t post anything on line for fear of reprisal.
This fear of reprisal is growing on a local mum’s network. People are asking the administrator to post entirely innocent questions on their behalf, because they are too afraid to do so themselves – such is the level of hatred that runs intermittently through these online forums.
And so I am scared to offend. I am not always replying to posts, because I am worried that my answer may be taken the wrong way. I am reading things into people’s comments on my posts that they don’t even mean and I know they don’t mean them because they are having to reply to my nervous response with: don’t worry – I was only joking! While at the same time there is a large part of me that wants to rebel against the mediocrity, that I feel an undercurrent is trying to pull me towards.
But I do worry and I worry for our children and their generation, who are growing up having known nothing else. A generation who are shunning dates and who seem to be more prone to avoiding human contact. Teenagers who choose to game with friends, rather than meet with the real life versions. They are immersed in this culture that breeds mistrust, that is open to misinterpretation and with that comes paranoia and a culture where bullying thrives.
I love that last quote! My sister in law is like this in ‘real life’ you say something and she finds a way to take offence, it makes hanging out with her like being on eggshells. I love your term for Facebook Facelessbook it is true isn’t it. I only joined Facebook less than 2 years ago I held out for a long time, but so far have been lucky, I try to avoid commenting on things I guess, but I mostly like Instagram and looking at the pics on there. Really thought provoking post and so well written #fartglitter
Thank you so much for your comments. I know a few people who make you feel like you are treading on egg shells when you are around them – it makes being with them such hard work! If it wasn’t for my blog, I probably wouldn’t be back on FB, but it has positives as well.
just popping back over to say thank you for linking up with me on #mg! So happy! I agree I really only joined Facebook for blogging.
Thank you for having me and for hosting! Good to link up x
Completely agree and understand what you’re saying. I’m an introvert and would rather email or text over even a phonecall or in person. I imagine today’s society has had an impact on my social isolations. I’ve grown up with technology all around me because my dad is a computer geek. I’m only in my early 30s so I wonder how my daughter would be when she’s my age #mg
Interesting comments – thank you. I really do wonder about the social impact of the internet. Sociologists and psychologists can have a field day!
So true. The internet is such a marvelous tool, if wielded correctly. Be brave and back yourself; ignore the fools. #FartGlitter
Thank you for the comments. You are so right – it is about being brave and backing yourself. ‘Ignore the fools’ shall be my mantra.
This is so true. Things can be misinterpreted and read in a completely different tone to what they were meant. Also, like you say sometimes these things are meant but people do it anyway hiding behind their screens. Sometimes it so hard to get things right but we have to believe in ourselves, if we are doing and saying the right things we are halfway there!
#FartGlitter
It is hard! I feel I’m quite a confident person, but face to face interaction is in many ways so much easier, as you can try to read the person’s body language. I know that I am guilty of adding a tone to certain e mails, that often was not intended I’m sure. Thank you for your comments.
This is such a brilliant real post – and I agree with the points you make – every word we write we think about how it will be read knowing that people are quick to judge or misinterpret – people love to misinterpret sometimes – The online cyber bullying is a real issue and I’m recording a VLOG today with teen experts on the threat of social media on our children’s safety and well being – this issue of cyber bullying is one of the topics to be discussed. Thank you so much for sharing #BigPinkLink
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I shall look forward to your Vlog. I had a thought about you doing one on Internet porn. A tricky subject, but I reckon if anyone can handle it, you can! Also, with you having a 12 year old boy, it would be interesting to get his perspective…or perhaps he’s too young to be willing to be involved in a Vlog! Anyway, just a thought as it seems to be adversely affecting both boys and girls nowadays.
I left Facebook for the same reasons, it was becoming increasingly hard to say the smallest thing without setting off some mass backlash… I always worry that people might misinterpret things I say too, so I always end texts, and comments and emails occasionally with a smily face or a winking emoji just so that I am certain people know I being friendly, which in itself is something you really shouldn’t have to do. Texts are the worst to be taken out of context.. I give up! I do worry for the kids too, especially the teen as they always seem so quick to jump on the defensive and end up in arguments, sad really! #mg
Thank you for your comments. I’m so glad that you feel the same way. I’m quite a confident person, but sensitive at the same time – thank goodness for emojis!
I can connect with this thought provoking post. Social Media does have a lot to answer to and I think you are right that communication using quick fire often short responses lays the foundation for misunderstanding and bullying. Many times I go to type something and then delete and keep to myself for 1. fear of causing an argument 2. Being misunderstood 3. Being ignored/shunned.
Enjoyed the read #bigpinklink
Thank you for your comments. I must admit that I wondered whether it was ‘just me’ but many people have commented saying they feel the same way. It makes me feel sad that we feel like this, but slightly glad I’m not the only one!
I have noticed how ugly things in Social Media have been lately. I admit I am on Facebook more than twitter because I have a group there where it is not like that at all. It’s called crazy4blogging if you’re interested. I don’t think people get offended as much as they claim, I think some just enjoy being ugly. #bigpinklink
I think you are right. Some people just love a debate, but overstep the mark. I love a debate, but tend to steer clear of it on social media and save it for the pub! I’ll check out your Facebook page, thank you.
Love this post and thank you! The referendum has made FB a hot bed for rottenness, seems to bring out he worst in people. I don’t have a TV for this reason, less screen time and more real time I say! #mg
I hardly ever watch tv these days. FaceBook can be brutal and sometimes you just have to wear your body armour! Thank you for commenting.
Oh how I love this post, the quotes you have and your viewpoints! We are like-minded. I still pick up the phone to ‘call’ someone. And that’s if a face to face cant work out. Just be. Like Winnie the Pooh. <3 #mg
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I like your Winnie the Pooh quote He said some wise things.
That last quote which showed up on the #BigPinkLink totally intrigued me. I had to click! The power of the written word…and the ability to offend…it’s all quite disheartening isn’t it? That’s very interesting about how our kids react too. Thought-provoking stuff lady! #BigPinkLink
Thank you Prabs and it is all very disheartening. It’s so different for our kids compared with what we grew up with.
I can so relate to this post. It is very easy to be misunderstood and to misunderstand because of the “faceless” (I like that name you have given Facebook) interaction. You can’t infer the real meanings behind the statements. But I love the first quote in your post too because you have to be brave to be yourself and stop worrying. I know easier said than done. #bigpinklink
Thank you for your comments. The last thing I want is for my own expression to be curbed by narrow minded others and I get annoyed with myself when I do. As you say, be brave and stop worrying.
I totally agree with you on this lovely! I would be devastated to think that I had caused offence with a comment, but as you say, humour can be so very easily misinterpreted. I have often felt the need to post a follow up reply when I’ve read back a comment that I’ve posted, just in case it might have been received in a different way. I always think that I’m hyper sensitive, but I think you’re right – maybe we all are now, as everything is open to more interpretation and common politeness and manners are often loss in the faceless world of social media. Striking post and very well written. Thanks for sharing with #fartglitter x
I agree – I think that we have all become paranoid! Your comment about writing a follow-up comment rings true. Crazy really, but sometimes I’ll ask Partner whether something could be taken the wrong way. He’s less bothered by it all and doesn’t ‘do’ social media, so sometimes I feel like a bit of an emotional wreck! Thank you for your lovely comments x
Oh no! Tell Cameron!
It’s difficult. Our children will grow up in that world with little frame of reference to a world before such speedy interactions were the norm and we as parents are still finding our way in trying to understand (let alone shape) that culture.
Technology is a tool. The underlying issue is around behaviours and culture. If we have a culture that routinely rewards nasty behaviours than this is unlikely to change.
#mg
Yes, all very true. You are right that us parents are trying to keep up. My girls seem far less concerned about nastiness online than I am. I bring them up to be aware and we need to be as aware as we can be and that’s all we can do. Thank you for your comments.