I’m 45 years old and I honestly don’t know whether that is bloody old or fairly young. It’s that weird in between age, where some would consider you ancient (your children) and others would say you were that dreadful word: middle aged. This would mean that I will live until I’m 90, so I’m kind of happy with that. Apparently, the age you started your periods has a bearing on how long you will live. Well let’s put it this way, the school nurse said to me, aged 15: we’ll give it a few months and then we’ll worry. No worries, I’m going to live forever.
So at my ripe old age, I feel that I’ve seen and learnt a few things. You see, I have gone through a fair few changes. I have had 4 kids, breastfed, trained in sport at International level, both before and after having children. I have dieted to get to fighting weights and I have eaten what the fuck I want. I have been tee total and I have drunk like a fish. You could say that I have experienced quite a few different states.
And you know what? The one thing that I have realised from all of this is firstly that you should absolutely and completely shut out the media from your advice line. They are all over the place with their advice. In fact, you will get better advice from the person you sit next to on the train…on any subject.
Secondly, whatever your goals are at a particular stage of your life are just fine. In fact, they are quite possibly bloody awesome. It may be that you have just signed up to your first 10k run after giving birth, or you have managed to get your baby to settle in the creche at your local leisure centre and so can sneak 45 minutes at the gym (15 minutes for a baby free coffee, of course).
Perhaps you enjoy walking your dog for half an hour a day and enjoy a couple of glasses of wine every evening, or maybe you put butter on your toast every day.
You see, what I have learnt in my 45 years, is that what actually matters is what makes you happy. It’s not what the Daily Mail says you should be doing, or what your partner is doing (unless you want to join them), or what your best friend is up to right now. BE SELFISH! Life is actually about YOU!
You have to care for people every day: children, parents, a partner, people at work and so the best way that we can care for ourselves, is what feels right at the time… FOR OURSELVES!
If the time is right to fulfill an ambition, then go for it! If now is your time to kick back and chill out then feckin’ do it. Because you know what? It actually doesn’t matter what other people think, or what some twat in a newspaper or magazine says should be happening. This is about YOU!
To be honest, the truth is that if you don’t really want something, then you won’t succeed at it anyway. Running a marathon, dieting, giving up smoking. So you know what? Don’t bother until you know that you are doing it for yourself.
You do what feels right for you RIGHT NOW, because at the end of the day, that’s actually all that counts.
Yes , yes. The more I think of it the more I think that learning not to give a flying about what other people think is the key to everything !
It’s taken me way too long to realise this, but I’m so glad that I finally have 🙂
Ah!!! This made me cry. Silly I know. Such a powerful piece. And I REALLY needed to read this right now….thank you so much.x
Ah, I hope you’re ok. I’m so glad that it resonated with you x
I love this! I think it takes a certain number of years before we’re able to come to this realisation, but it’s so so important to understand ourselves, to know what makes us happy, and to prioritise that. #KCACOLS
I agree – it does take time to realise. It’s almost important to go through that time, in order to be able to see it. Thank you for your comments.
What a great motto, LIFE IS ACTUALLY ABOUT YOU! We always forget this. Just because we like to look after ourselves or do things we like to do doesn’t mean we care any less for our ‘roles’ in life, like being a mummy or a friend. Lovely post. Thanks! #KCACOLS
Thank you for your comments. It is all too easy to lose perspective and lose sight of what we really want. We really do matter 🙂
Alison this is spot on. I am 6 months away from the big 50 and made a decision this year that I am done with pleasing everyone else all of the time and am now going to do a bit more of I what I want that makes me feel good about myself and stop sweating all the small stuff. Happy Monday. #anythingoes
Thank you so much. Yes, we’re obviously at a similar time in our lives. Personally, I’m finding it quite liberating 🙂 I’m glad you’ve reached this same conclusion!
I couldn’t agree more with everything you said! I feel like the older I get the more I realize it’s better to do things that make you happy and not worry so much about what everyone else expects of you. #KCACOLS
Absolutely and thank you so much for your comments.
Wow, what a refreshing post to read! I sometimes think if we added up all the time collectively we’ve spent agonising over things/goals/stats/regret it would last for eternity and you are right. We care for others so much of that time that, as long as it doesn’t actively hurt anyone else, I do think being a little bit selfish is pretty wise. Thank you! #KCACOLS
Thank you! We certainly spend far too much time worrying about what we should/shouldn’t be doing and thinking – time that could be far better spent.
So true! Yes, Sometimes we worry too much what society thinks!
I’ll be 43 in a few months so I’m going to say that you are still young. It never even occurred to me that people might consider me “middle aged” now. Thats horrible! #anythinggoes
Sorry to have been the bearer of bad news! The good news is you are only currently 42 years young!
It’s hard to not focus on other people but you’re right in that your life is about you! I’m going to try and remember that! #kcacols
Yes, we all need to be just a little bit selfish. Thank you for commenting.
This is so true! Sometimes we just get wrapped up in conforming to the ideals of society that we don’t consider what we want! Sometimes I think you have to be selfish a little, because someone has to look out for YOU. Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes this is a really powerful post!
Thank you for your lovely comments.
Great post. I really wish I was better at doing things for me and because I want to! #kcacols
I think we get better at it with age!
You are so right. I think it’s easy to forget how important we are in our own lives with everything going on around us. Thanks for the reminder:) #KCACOLS
Thank you 🙂
I agree with you 100%! I used to worry too much about what people will think when I was younger but now I don’t give a sh…. I really don’t care anymore. I just learnt to choose the things that make me happy! Great post! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. 🙂 x
Thank you 🙂 x