I’ve decided that I’m going to take a radical approach to parenting in the Internet age. Many may already have jumped on this train, but you wouldn’t know because maybe they daren’t say, for fear of being judged. Or perhaps they don’t care what others think. They’re not easily influenced or swayed and just don’t feel the need to ‘say’.
The sayers are worrying us. Because what actually causes a worry? You are happily parenting from your gut. Careering from one mini crisis to another and working it out – sometimes badly, sometimes like a pro. Asking friends and family for support – fairly like-minded people you surround yourself with. Your squad.
Then bam! It’s a Facebook comment that undermines you. It’s the endless articles on how you should be parenting, the ‘sponsored posts’, the fake news. Thoughts from other parents, especially mums, who are anxious and worried as they parent through the goggles of social media.
But they aren’t your squad! They may not be wrong, they may not be right. When it comes to bringing up kids, are there actually always rights and wrongs? Different children, parents, cultures, backgrounds and needs. The melting pot of ideas that is the Internet makes for a lumpy stew.
Everyone on the Internet appears worried. Worried about teens and screens, worried about apps, worried about cyber bullying, worried about online grooming. It seems that it’s imperative that we all worry.
So here’s my new radical approach: ditch the ‘fake’ worry. I’m going to stick to my own worries and work them out with my squad. They know me and my kids and where I’m coming from. I’m going to tell myself that there isn’t a paedophile luring my daughter to a secret meeting place, or that she’s sending nude photos to ‘friends’. I’m going to dress myself down and tell myself that she doesn’t self harm, despite constant streams of information telling me it’s on the rise. I’m going to remind myself that her addiction to Fortnite can be managed. In fact I’m going to make sure that I keep communicating with her, respecting her and keeping the boundaries firm. I will allow myself a peek at a parenting book (that maybe one of my squad recommends) and I’ll try what they say if I like. I will stay aware as much as is possible for a golden oldie technophobe.
So there it is: I’m done with the Internet worry fest. The breathy, ‘is it?’ ‘Isn’t it?’ ‘Should I?’ ‘Must I?’ ‘Really?’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Are you serious?’ That and the constant judgments.
Stirring the Internet parenting stew is similar to googling symptoms when you feel ill. You won’t like what you hear, it will worry the shit out of you and it’s highly likely it won’t materialise anyway. Another fake worry.
I guess my mum worried. Different times, different worries. Less bullshit, less contradictions. Surrounded by her squad. Chatting things over with cups of tea, hours on the phone (that was stuck to a wall).
Keeping it real.
