I got a call from daughter 1: I’ve had my cartilage done. Oh god, I thought. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds bad. It’s not unusual for me to be clueless when my daughters speak, so I just repeated: your cartilage? hoping for positive enlightenment. Yeah, it didn’t even hurt, she replied. Oh good, I said, expecting to see a part of her bandaged when she walked through the door. But of course, it’s her ear. Another hole stapled through.
On the dog walk today, more teenage speak: I want to get my seconds done. Eh? I replied. My seconds done, she repeated, oblivious to her mother’s lack of fluency in this language. Now I know that it’s a hole above her first piercing, but not in the cartilage.
Normally when I ask for clarification on their language, I’m met with exasperated sighs and: oh, don’t worry. But I do worry. I worry that if they don’t tell me I will end up as a foreigner in my own home, surrounded by teenage natives who are all fluent in their lingo. I’ll be the one shouting and flinging my arms around to make myself understood.
After all, I’ve only just found out what a ‘streak’ is and I had to google, ‘on fleek’ last week. I have to say though, that even if I teach myself their language, I won’t be using it. It makes me cringe when I hear parents adopting their teenagers’ speech. Remember, you’re not their friend, I want to say. Let’s stick to the language we know: tidy your room, pick up your towels, don’t leave your pants on the floor, 11 o clock latest, put your phone down, DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
So for any middle agers out there, here’s a translation of a few of the words being banded about at the moment – but please promise not to use them yourself…
PAP Post a picture
Bad ‘hot’ as in someone is looking sexy
Ship short for relationship
Dime 10 on a scale of 1-10. The best something can be
Oh, and you might want to know, that next time your daughter tells you she’s going to her friend’s house to:
Netflix and chill
Don’t bother buying her popcorn…
Haha. Thank heavens my tot will stay little forever and never become a teen. Phew.
#fartglitter
Haha! If I said it only seems like yesterday they were toddlers…
Haha oh gosh, I’m 25 and can’t keep up with teenage speak anymore. Although I do know what Netflix and chill means!I dread to think what kind of rubbish my 2year old will be talking when he’s a teen, if they will even still be using actual words by then that is. Loved this post, good luck with improving your teen talk vocabulary 🙂 xx #Fartglitter
Funnily enough my 21 year old step daughter just messaged me saying she wouldn’t know how to use any of those words in a sentence! Thank you for your comments X
Good lord I’ve got this all to come – not looking forward to it!! #fartglitter
No, it’s a mine field. It keeps us on our toes, though!
Okay but seriously what’s a streak? #FartGlitter
Ha! Well, they don’t take their clothes off, thank god! It’s when two people exchange photos on Snapchat without a break. So when they go on Duke of Edinburgh weekends away, for example, it causes havoc with their streaks. Someone else has to login and continue their streak! Oh the stress!
Is it just me or are other parents not interested in the crap their kids come out with? I’m working on the basis that “it’s a phase” and I’ll be there on the other side when she grows up a bit. Whenever I show interest, I regret it because it’s all so fatuous and dull. And, as far as I can see, I’m not meant to get it. If I did, it wouldn’t be so “sick.” (see I know some of the lingo too).
I play the role of the pain in the arse Dad. It’s what gives her some stability in her life!
Absolutely. Couldn’t agree more. It’s relevant to us parents….almost. When it gets really annoying I step in: like…like…proper like…. and I’m glad I discovered the meaning of Netflix and chill, with 5 girls! Forewarned is forearmed.