The biggest item trending on the local mum’s Facebook network this week was: where is the best place to photograph my child in bluebell woods? It sounded as if it was one of those events that must happen each year, like Christmas or a birthday. I love a bluebell wood, but on the day we had available to visit it, we had no children to photograph. I contemplated borrowing a cute baby from someone, to sit in a basket in a dappled wood, but chose to take the dogs instead.
Partner plonked dog 2 on top of a good looking tree stump, surrounded by beautiful bluebells, with the sun streaming through branches. I was poised to take the photo. The problem was, the tree stump was hollow and dog 2 fell down the hole. That was the first photo opportunity missed. After that it was a series of exhausting attempts to get the dogs to look at the camera. The woods were packed with other photo opportunists, but all you could hear was partner and I squeaking the dogs’ names in fake excited voices and gesticulating madly, as they just pissed on the bluebells. We decided to give up and walk to the pub. We can get a cup of ‘gin and tonic’ I interrupted partner’s thought.
We’ve been to this pub many times before – last week and the week before that actually – it’s dog and kid friendly, but I have never previously noticed just how unfriendly it is to men. In the ladies’ toilet the walls and toilet doors are adorned with misandrist statements. I wondered whether the men’s loo is similarly full of misogynistic crap, masquerading under the guise of humour.
On the back of the loo door in pub – harsh
We left the pub and went on our merry way. I told partner about the man hating toilet and fuelled by our pit stop, we started trying to remember all the: Men are like…jokes we could muster. Here are some that came to mind as we walked back through those beautiful bluebells, add your favourites!
Men are like…
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
You can’t believe a word they say.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
… Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
One man and his dogs, in a bluebell wood – he moaned that I cut off his head, ‘that wouldn’t have happened if I was a cute baby!'(Dog 1 is licking his lips – I think he ate the cute baby!)