I love our Wednesday morning ladies’ class – for all sorts of reasons. You get a group of women together, whether it’s in an exercise class, on a hen night, in a nightclub toilet (back in the day) and they will have a laugh. There’s a feeling of camaraderie that is bound by the euphoria of there being no kids around, to the hilarity of the pelvic floor. Classes delayed because yet another one has rushed to the loo for an essential pre-class piss. Into the warm up and the bones are creaking and clicking away…and that’s just mine! I know that as soon as I mention it I’ll have a chorus of others agreeing, because that’s what women do best. We empathise. One of our ladies gate crashed my class last night, bringing fresh, hot bread, straight out of the oven for partner, as condolences for Harry (partner got two slices, rest of the house polished it off). This morning she came to class to be presented with her new belt that she had achieved at the weekend and then buggered off to get her oven cleaned. I could hardly say no, when she’d baked us the bread! Kneehab lady had her teenage son with her, as he’d thrown up the night before. Is this the old ladies class? he asked her. Well, in the spirit of, ‘age is a state of mind’, those ladies kicked the shit out of the pads today. Husband’s faces mentally fit on the round pads a treat. Straight wrists ladies, I try to remind them, as they’re giving those pads merry hell. Easy does it Jean, as she swipes through the air at a hundred miles an hour. He can’t have pissed you off that much! Get your knees up ladies, turn that standing foot! Thwack! Another poor bloke just mentally got his bollocks crushed.
It’s not all about man bashing though. Of course, partner is there, rolling his eyeballs at another crude comment, bringing a little balance to the oestrogen fueled session. He lives in a house so full of oestrogen he’s becoming hard wired to just agree with whatever we say and then go and bitch about us all to the two male dogs.
Getting into the banter at the end of today’s class, partner shouted: right you old ladies, let’s do a stretch! I looked at him with absolute horror. YOU can’t call us that, I said. Only I can say that! He looked confused and shook his head. Later, I heard him telling the dogs.