Put your tits away! I’m confronted with yet another tit selfie on Instagram. I know I’m the wrong side of forty and my tits are probably heading South, but I promise you I’m not jealous. Prolific use of a sports bra over the years has stood me in pretty good stead. In fact, as well as ‘boys only want one thing’ (their X Box) and ‘don’t ever squeeze a spot on your forehead’ (it only makes them last a lot, lot longer), I think that ‘wear a good sports bra’ is the best bit of parental advice I have given my girls. As, ‘Active Wear’ is de rigeur, there is currently no shortage of fabulous bras. I can’t get into one at the moment, as my shoulder won’t allow that sort of effort – let’s face it – we’ve all needed rescuing from a sports bra. I would frequently get half way into or out of mine and apart from it giving me a cleavage to die for (quick, grab the selfie stick!), I would actually be stuck and need the back tugging down.
No need for any of that malarkey at the moment, as I have been confined to the sofa under strict orders to relax. I whizzed the Dyson around the kitchen yesterday morning one handed and blacked out. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that glass of wine after the anesthetic? One day on the sofa and I feel like a moose. That, combined with not shitting properly (lactulose just makes you fart). So I’m sitting reading the papers and I see that the thigh gap is out and muscle is in. This pleases me greatly for two reasons 1) I have never owned a thigh gap and only recently discovered what it meant and 2) I love weights, I encourage women to use weights, weights are the answer to so many problems (they can even be used as door stops).
So, in my moose-like flatulent state, the thought of getting my hands onto my weights again fills me with excitement. One of the best things about weights is that they celebrate the curve. They don’t try to make you something that you are not, like starving yourself does. They embrace you and everything you stand for. They make you stronger inside and out. They don’t give a shit about a tummy overlapping the top of the lycra, because they know that you are still healthy and strong, whereas the woman who is denying herself food is weak and undernourished. Go grab some weights, ladies! Don’t sell yourself short either. You can handle the big ‘uns. Don’t feel you have to pump those plastic coated pink 3lb’ers up and down a hundred times, thinking about how many loads of washing you could have had done in the time that took. Big it up! You won’t bulk up because we just aint made that way. Take advice so that you know what to do – this is one thing you can’t wing – and I promise you – you will never look back!