Here’s one we all struggle with – not just your average 6 year old, who definitely finds it hard to stand still! Many parents send their children to martial arts classes in order to improve their self control. Some will be experiencing difficulty at school – perhaps receiving negative feedback from teachers who simply don’t have the time to spend on each individual child. Others will be little angels in the classroom, but terrors at home, constantly fighting with siblings, or kicking against house rules.
Taekwon-do provides a structure and framework for the child, where there are clear and consistent expectations. It is a lot easier for us to be consistent in the dojang, as we are handing the little darlings back to their parents after 45 minutes. People often comment on how patient we are with the students. This does not necessarily reflect how I am as a parent! Parenting is relentless, teaching is a different art.
In the dojang I set my expectations of a child’s behaviour high. The etiquette of the dojang dictates certain behaviours that the student must adhere to, such as standing with their hands behind their backs in line, with both feet flat on the floor – not doing a shuffle! We use other cues to develop the students’ self control. We ask them to, ‘sit like black belts’ – cross legged with their hands on their knees. This is particularly useful, as when their hands aren’t on their knees, they are usually somewhere they shouldn’t be!
We don’t allow the children to touch each other. We find that boys in particular want to be physical with others, either hugging or play fighting. In class, they are only allowed to hit the pads, or each other when they are wearing protective gear. When they do the sparring element they must learn how to show self control, using light contact, so as not to hurt their partner.
As parents, we must play our own part in developing our child’s self control. It is easy for us to get defensive when we hear our child being reprimanded by someone else. However, we musn’t spring blindly to their defence. This is teaching the child that their behaviour is acceptable or justified. It is imperative that the children learn from other adults, as well as their parents, what behaviour is deemed acceptable. We have to show parental self control!
For me, the most important element of self control is the ability to listen. As I am always telling my students: those who listen well will progress fastest. I think that listening skills are one of the most important things we teach in the dojang and one of the most important life skills they will ever learn.