I’m docking your pocket money next month, because you didn’t do your chores. What does ‘docking’ mean? I did do them. No you didn’t – your bathroom was disgusting. I tried to do it, but the black stain in the toilet wouldn’t come out. Well, it came out straight away when I did it. Well, it didn’t when I did it – you’ve had more practice, Mum.
Shoulders back when you’re eating. Don’t slouch. What does ‘slouch’ mean? Don’t talk with food in your mouth. How was school? Fine – the train was late again. I can see the contents of your mouth. You asked me a question and I’m answering it. Take your elbow off the table. Don’t scoop out the contents of your braces in front of people. Don’t give your mushrooms to your sister. Pass that wine bottle, please.
Why are you looking at me like that. I’m not looking at you, I’m looking at the cat. You were looking at me – you were pulling a face. Ok, I was looking at you. Why? Because you are beautiful to look at. Really, Mum, why? Oh for God’s sake, I wasn’t looking at you, but now I’m looking at you and wondering why the bloody hell we’re having this pointless argument. It’s not an argument, Mum. Yes it is. No, it isn’t – it’s a discussion. Oh whatever!
You’re all really stressing me out! We’re stressing you out? YOU are stressing US out. No, I’m not! You’re all stressing me out! What are you so stressed about? Nothing. Well, if you don’t tell me, then I can’t help. Nothing. Ok, fine, but calm down because you’re creating a bad atmosphere. I’m creating a bad atmosphere? Oh my God. Sorry for breathing – would you rather I went and breathed in someone else’s house? No, just talk to me. There’s nothing to talk about. (Slam!)
Get out of my room! I’m looking for tights. I haven’t got your tights. No – they’re MY tights – give them back poo bum! I hate you. You’re so horrible! Mum – tell her to give me back my tights – she’s always taking them! I HATE her!! I bought you all new tights a few days ago and they are still in their packet. They’re the wrong sort of tights. Tights are bloody tights. She’s wearing my skirt! You wore my jumper yesterday! Well, whatever, but can you plait my hair? Sure, once I’m dressed.
Can someone feed the dogs? Can you? I’m doing homework, can you? I’m on face time, can’t you? Ask her, she never feeds them. Can you feed the dogs, because you’re just watching telly. Oh, why can’t you do it? Because I’m on face time and she’s doing homework – you’re not doing anything – you can feed them. But I ALWAYS feed them – can’t someone else do it for a change…oh, you’re all so annoying!
We surrender!
Ahh….I love it. Fantastic post – as always. Incidentally, I have also been told that the sound of me chewing and breathing is irritating! Great!! xx #TheList
Thank you! I’ve been told that I’m a noisy eater…ah, where would we be without our teens!