Tits Up!

FullSizeRender(1) copy 2The hammock…inside for the month of June

Partner is, rather cruelly I feel, blaming the dreadful rainy June we have just experienced, on my hammock. In fact, he is actually blaming me, because I bought the hammock and every goddamn day since the fateful 13th June, when I dragged him off to Lidl (in the rain) to buy the hammock, it has rained.

Now, I know that it is far too easy as a Brit to blame the weather on everything and to actually think that it has been worse than statistics prove. However, without a word of a British lie, that hammock has not seen enough sunshine to warrant the huge effort of getting it outside, climbing into it, risking injury as dog 1 follows suit and both falling unceremoniously onto the floor when dog 2 puts two paws on it to see what the fuss is about.

The tan lines that graced my body in May, when I got all cocky and thought that I’d avoid having to get a spray tan for our holiday to Spain in August, are rapidly fading. As are the comments from the stream of people who asked: where have you been, you’re so brown? To which I smugly replied: my garden. Yes, I didn’t need to spend hundreds on airfares and hotels to get that orgasmic feeling of the sun on your face, I only had to open my back door.

That was May and here we are at the start of July, wading once more through mud and watching the weeds and the slugs suffocate and kill all the plants on which we spent shed loads of cash on Bank Holiday Monday – back when we felt all positive about the future. I’m struggling not to bring in a Brexit metaphor here…I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

Ah July! With its promises of Pimms and BBQ’s. With it’s alluring thoughts of Sundays spent in my hammock, reading the papers and staring up at the sky. I’m full of optimism for this month. I’m not going to buy any sun cream, charcoal, nor am I going to shave my legs. Let nothing I do curse this wonderful month and then at least, if all goes tits up, it is one thing that I cannot be blamed for.

10 thoughts on “Tits Up!”

  1. I hear you lovely! We’ve just come back from a week away in the UK. We booked it for the end of June, because that is apparently summer. We did not foresee having to pack wellies and coats and yet it kindly piddled it down throughout a lot of the week. Hurrah! I wouldn’t worry about the hammock though – it’s just that we had a holiday booked. This is always cause for torrential storms throughout the UK. Our fault – not the hammock. Now that we’re back it might brighten up a bit for you 😉 x

    #DreamTeam

    1. Ah bless you for taking the blame! It’s spitting here this morning because I’m wearing shorts! Thank you for your comments x

  2. The weather is appalling. Hoping for a bit of sun next week as I’m going to a wedding as bridesmaid! Though I’ve heard rain is goodluck but meh, bring on the sun! Nice hammock (jealously sitting in broken deck chair) haha #dreamteam

  3. Yes totally get this, the weather is really letting us down – with no tumble dryer my days are spent dashing in and out and yelling expletives at the rain soaking my washing again for the umpteeth time! Maybe August will be kind!! #dreamteam

    1. Snap – no tumble dryer and you just can’t second guess it at the moment. Roll on a heatwave in August…so that we can all moan about how bloody hot it is! Thank you for commenting.

  4. I was thinking of this the other day – a year ago I had just given birth to my girl and the sun was blazing every day. Now….not so much. What is going on! Hopefully like you say it will pick up soon and we can get the BBQ out and Pimms on the go x #DreamTeam

    1. I have just got my hammock up outside! And I fell out of it :0 Luckily I didn’t have a Pimms in my hand! Thank you for commenting.

  5. I really can’t believe the weather. I heard that July might be a wash out eek!! That hammock looks like loads of fun, all you need is a massive umbrella and you will be all set Thank you for linking up to the #dreamteam X

    1. When I got in it for a millisecond last week, it upended and I ended up on the floor, with the frame towering above me! Perhaps it’s trying to tell me something!

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