“Cellulite. Flabby bits. Great look. I’m size 16 and beach body ready”
In this week’s Saturday Times magazine there is an article featuring the model Candice Huffine, in which she is modelling swimwear. She is a UK size 16 and what the article is saying is that we are in a new curvy girl era, that ‘celebrates everyone owning their natural and curvaceous bodies’.
But who, exactly, is celebrating?
It got me thinking about our relationship with our bodies. You see, if I showed females the photos of Candice in a bikini and asked them if they think she looks amazing, I am pretty sure the majority would say yes. Now, deep down, do they really mean that, or are they doing the female comradeship thing of boosting each other, rather than knocking each other down? Deep down would a part of them be thinking: but she could do with losing a bit of weight?
My thoughts are then questioning that if they really, genuinely think that she looks amazing, then why does it seem that when women get into the plus sizes themselves, they quite often want to lose weight and far from feeling amazing, they feel fat.
I think that as women we don’t really know what we want to be. I don’t think that we know what to do with our bodies and who we are doing it for. I think that from a young age girls are bombarded with such mixed messages about female body shape, that by the time they are teenagers, they are totally confused and this is pretty much how we remain throughout our adult lives.
I’ll bet you a million pounds (of fat) that those exact same women who say Candice looks amazing, think they are too fat to wear a bikini on the beach this year.
I’ll wager that those women who point at the model and genuinely think her body looks great in a swimsuit, are the very same women who are counting how many days until they fly to the beach and are currently working out how many carbs they can cut out of their diet until then, without actually dying.
If I am right, then surely us females are totally and utterly confused. We really don’t know what body we want. When I want to try to lose a few pounds, who do I want to lose it for? If it’s for me, then why am I saying that Candice looks good and meaning it? If it’s for my partner, then why? (Dicks can be unreliable). Or, is it for the other people with whom I’ll be fighting over the best sun loungers sharing the beach?
I think that we all probably have our own benchmarks for our bodies. For some of us it’s a certain weight and when we go above that weight, we hit the diet. For others, it’s clothes feeling right or creating a bulge through the fabric. What I think we all need to bear in mind though, is that if we are looking at a size 16 model and saying how fabulous she looks, perhaps we are setting our own benchmark too high.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Please share them in comments or through Face Book and Twitter. Just another (!) thought I had – what about men? I mean, if this post was actually about men. How do they feel about their bodies? Apparently, a lot of men are unhappy with and increasingly preoccupied by the way they look. Allegedly nearly a third of men think about their appearance at least 5 times a day…aaah statistics. That means two thirds don’t give a shit. Perhaps a subject for another blog!
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Great post. She does look amazing on that cover ..but as with slimmer models heavily styled and photoshopped. It is all so complex though, like you said. The messages we see about our bodies are so subtle that it’s hard to decipher what we are really thinking and what society wants us to think #kcacols
Thank you for your comments. I agree about the styling aspect. I also agree that it is SO complicated. I have 4 tween/teenage girls, who are talking about getting themselves beach body ready for their holiday. I feel as if I am walking on a tightrope with it and am really interested in how other women feel. I feel a bit confused!
I think she looks amazing and I mean it. I’m not saying I would feel happy with my body if I was a size 16 but I do think this model looks great, she looks so confident in her skin. I’ve always been skinny and through out my teens and now I still wasn’t happy with my body. I was glad I was thin but was always self conscious because I didn’t have the womanly curves. I think you’re right that body image is so confusing and half the time we are not sure what we want or why we want to look a certain way.xx #Fartglitter
Your so right! She does look good, but I dont think I would be comfortable if it was my body. To be fair I think its all about the confidence and thats why she looks great but she is oozing confidence, whereas if it was me I probably wouldn’t feel confident at a size 16. I don think some 16 is huge by any means, but from my personal point of view of my body and how I am built I know that it would not look good, at any angle! Good point well made though, really interesting how we all think and picture ourselves and others.
p.s My husband would be part of the collective that don’t give a shit… or maybe secretly he does?! either way he does f**k all about trying to change lol #mg
Thank you for your comments – the one about your hubby too! I find it a really fascinating subject, but one that is so complicated, I think you can tie yourself up in knots about it. So, I think that your husband’s approach is probably quite a good one!
Oh you are right this is such a complex issue. As a mum to two girls, I am very conscious of the messages that I give them. For years I dieted in secret, i.e only ever eating a very small evening meal and nothing else for the rest of the day. But it was a very unhealthy way to live that took its toll. Now I try to be honest and not let my stone weight gain bother me aghhhh!! A great post that is certainly thought provoking x #mg
Thank you so much for your comments. I’ve just finished writing a follow-up post to this one which I will publish tomorrow, saying how difficult it is as a mum of girls, to know what to say and do around the issues of body image. I think it is too easy to tie yourself up in knots over it – it is so complex. The more I think about it all, the more confused I get!
I think you are right. I think it’s her confidence and good attitude that comes over as amazing in these pictures but personally I wouldn’t want to be that size. #MarvMondays
Thank you for your comments. Confidence and good attitude are worth so much in the way we come across, probably more than body shape.
I would die for her body and figure right now. I much prefer curves etc! Everyone has their own tastes.
#MarvMondays
That is so true – we all have different tastes and benchmarks for what we are happy with. I think that the reasons behind our differences are many and varied and can be complex and confusing! Thank you for commenting.
Can I comment on this without being shot down? Probably not! She looks pretty and is modelling clothes that are designed for the average British woman. Is it any of my business? No. Do I care what she looks like? No. Does she care what I think? I do hope not.
So I have an opinion … which counts for very little. We can’t help but have an opinion – we’re human but if I was in her shoes, I’d not worry a jot what others thought. Being a regular bloke, I’m FAR from perfect. Out there, I’d not expect everyone to think I was “modelling material” but, as my mum might have said, “there’s someone out there for everyone.”
I don’t care what others think I look like. I am SO LUCKY having a body which (vaguely) works and gets me by. There are so many out there who have difficulties getting through life on a day to day basis that I think it an absolute waste of time to fuss about what others think of me.
As for you Alison – you are pretty gorgeous! I can’t see the need to fret about this.
Well thank you for your compliment, Adam and for all your comments. I totally agree with you that we shouldn’t care what others think. The reality is, however, that lots of people do care – especially teenagers. I suppose I am ‘fretting’ because it is all very confusing. There are so many mixed messages fed to us though the media, that it is easy to become completely confused about what we want for ourselves and how to talk about it all to our kids, who are obsessed with images of other people. You are so right to focus on the fact that your body is working and I think that this needs to be our focus: as long as we are fit and strong, that is ultimately what really matters, not the size or shape that we are.
She looks lovely on the cover. But all magazine covers are photo shopped are they not? There is nothing wrong with a size 16. We all come in different shapes and sizes and built differently. There are too many stick thin models about!
#KCACOLS
I agree. I don’t think that models should be stick thin. The article says that we are embracing our curves now. There are just so many mixed messages that we are faced with, it all gets very confusing! Thank you for your comments.
You make so many good points, I’ve never really thought about it in that way before. Most of us try to be happy with the way we’re look whether that’s a size 8 or 16, but as you say, still go on trying to change our bodies. I think most of the time it’s more to do with our self-esteem and how we feel rather than how we look. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo
Yes, self esteem must certainly play a big part. I think as well that we are just really harsh on ourselves, sometimes, whilst really complimentary about others…back to the issue of self esteem perhaps…thank you for your comments.
I think a lot is about confidence. That model is rocking it and I think she’s hot. I’ve seen skinny girls looking nervous and been turned off. I’ve got lumps and bumps but still wear a bikini because I feel comfortable. Half the beach goers are too busy worrying about how they look to care about me I’m sure.
#fartglitter
That is true – if we waste time worrying what other people think, we are missing something – everyone is more concerned about what they look like! I agree that confidence is a huge factor. Thank you for commenting.
An interesting one you raise here. My answer, on behalf of myself is that I think the answer lies in how comfortable you feel in your own skin. At this moment in time I have had quite a weight gain (age related) and I know that I don’t feel as comfortable in clothing as I did. Others would say I look fine but it’s how I feel – ie I don’t want things lifting up or riding down. I don’t want me to look like that, nor for others to have to have the big belly or boob reveal. For me there is nothing worse than a smaller person with flobby, lobby belly and old lady arms (my current status). I’d rather see a good all round size 16 well proportioned. I suppose I’m not comparing myself or trying to look like anyone else, I just want to see a me I am comfortable with. #KCACOLS
Such a true and honest comment. We certainly all have an image/shape/weight we are happy with and it’s true – others may think we look great, but it’s all very personal and I think our reasons for our own benchmark can be complex. Thank you for your comments.
I honestly do think she looks amazing! I can also think a size 10 can look amazing to, for me it is not so much about the actual size tag on the label it’s about how a woman shines. If she was standing there in the same outfit with the same body but had a bitchy look, or an ashamed look on her face, then I wouldn’t think she looked as good, does that make sense. She looks fun and happy so that is appealing to me. I have written about body image before and you are right we are confused, I have a daughter who is really petite and another who is developing curves, they both look amazing! I am larger and I look amazing too. All 3 of us are different so I can not say we should all be thin like April or that we should all be larger like me. April is naturally thin so to say only women with curves are attractive is like saying she isn’t. I think it is terrible when people say naturally thin people look sick or unhealthy. A healthy body comes in so many different shapes. So I focus in our home on eating healthy, but enjoying a treat, and exercising but also vegging out some days in our PJ’s. We need to love ourselves and look after ourselves and be so much nicer to ourselves and others. Great post, beautifully written and thought provoking! Sorry for leaving a really long comment lol. Thanks for linking up beautiful #mg
Thank you for leaving a long comment! You make so many brilliant points. I totally agree that it is about how we present ourselves, rather than actual body shape or size. By saying that, we’re not just saying: it’s all about the personality, it’s more than that. As you say: she’s looking fun and happy and I love your comment: how she shines. We should be teaching our children how to shine – this makes me think confidence and vitality rather than body size or shape – love it!
I’ve always been up and down with my weight, taking everything from a UK size 6 to 24, and at no point was I ever happy with the way I looked, and was constantly comparing myself to other women. Then I reached a point where I realised that I was just wasting my life obsessing about it. I would still like to be slimmer, it’s true, and I doubt I’d have the confidence to wear a bikini. But, the extra confidence it has given me has made a huge difference. People comment on you looking good because your posture’s good, because you’re smiling, because you’re not wilting into the background… It sounds cliched and trite, but being happy and ‘beautiful’ on the inside will reflect on the outside too. x #KCACOLS
Thank you so much for your comments and I totally agree that it’s what you give out rather than body size or shape, that determines your ‘looks’. If you look energised, healthy and happy, then you look amazing to everyone.
In my head I think it’s because we are far more critical of our own bodies than we are of other peoples. I genuinely think that she looks amazing and is rocking those bathing suits. But I am just too much of a self-conscious person to do that myself. So for me it’s more about my own body image issues than not truly thinking she looks great. Plus it’s just hard not to worry about what other people think. #KCACOLS
It is really hard! Some people seem to find it quite easy not to worry about what others think, but I find it hard. I think it depends on your personality. Thank you for your comments.
Very good points. I think perhaps it is partly the tendency to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. For me, I think I do have this attitude & it probably comes down to I think she is beautiful & looks great. I don’t think I am beautiful & therefore feel like I should at least make the effort on my figure, as I can change that but not my face! I realise this is also a silly attitude!
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday
Yes, we are definitely harder on ourselves, generally. We need to be kinder to ourselves! Thank you so much for your comments and I’ll be back 🙂