We’ve just got rid of Love Island – sorry, I know that some of you were avid watchers of it, so no need to despair! As I was perusing tonight’s TV schedule I noticed two new shows that may just excite you. If watching young, hot bodies is your thing then tonight you were quite possibly in luck. The first one to catch my eye was: Coach Trip – Road to Ibiza (E4, 7.30pm). My first thought was that it involved elderly people, as for some reason I associate coach trips with the old and then I thought that perhaps it is a Geographical programme. Alas, no. The reviewer called it a: ‘claustrophobic popularity contest’ and also used the word, ‘savage’. What is it with our seeming desire as humans to want to watch other humans basically drown in their own piss? Because that’s what all these reality shows rely on: people making complete twats of themselves, often at others expense, for our supposed enjoyment. Isn’t this what Big Brother continues to do?
I may be scathing of them, but I actually applied to go on one of them last year: Bear Grylls’, ‘The Island’. Watching the first series I, like thousands of others, thought that I fancied that challenge. I loved the idea of seeing how far I could push myself mentally and physically. I found the idea exhilarating. I didn’t get chosen, but watching the second series I realised that it is all about personalities and about the producers lining people up for an epic on screen fail. I saw how naive I was to think that the experience would be ultimately a personal journey. No, what the experience would be is a constant battle to stay sane in an environment where you have been set up to fall down at every opportunity, not just through being constantly hungry, but by being endlessly challenged by the other people who surround you. This is a modern day Lord of the Flies. They stick a couple of fairly normal people on there and the rest of them are completely bonkers. It’s a personal journey in popularity, both on and off screen. It’s narcissism packaged as survival.
Talking of which, if, ‘Coach Trip’ wasn’t enough excitement for you tonight, you could have put on the kettle or poured yourself another glass of wine and settled yourself down to watch: Naked Attraction, (C4, 10pm). Or, as the reviewer called it: another new low. This is a dating show where the contestants see each other naked before going for a night out. Now call me old fashioned, but isn’t it better to check that the guy has a personality, before clocking the size of his dick. Because, let’s face it, he could be hung like a fucking donkey, but if he can’t string a sentence together, has halitosis, or supports Donald Trump, it could be a deal breaker, whatever the size of his knob.
Apparently the presenter, Anna Richardson, stands with a singleton in front of six naked men and tells her: “Each of these guys has an attribute you have said is attractive to you.” But you can’t see narcissism, we all cry! Actually, I think that we really would cry if we had to watch this. But do not despair, because over on Channel 5 at the same time is Big Brother…pass the remote.
Suddenly, according to an unlikely source, The Telegraph: ‘Love Island is looking like Britain’s moral compass.’ Well, what does that say about us?
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