Fake Tan

The post in the following link was sponsored by a sun cream manufacturer.


But it was published in Women’s Health under the guise of ways to stay fit on holiday: “if you’re itching for your fitness fix”

Erm…not really.

“Here’s 5 ways to turn any beach holiday into a bona fide fitness retreat.”

It said. I’m asking…WHY?

Just because you’re on the beach, relaxing on that holiday that you have saved up for since Christmas and been counting down the days until you can finally kick back…doesn’t mean you stop here. Fuck no! Don’t for one millisecond think that just because you are on holiday you can relax! “Use these easy tips to tone at home and abroad…There’s no reason to idle until cocktail o’ clock”

No! Why the hell would you want to, ‘idle’ on holiday? For god’s sake, woman, didn’t you realise that your holiday is actually, “a bona fide fitness retreat”? Your first proper opportunity to get tipsy since you gave birth.

1. 7:00 AM morning run Early riser? Piss off! Because your kids are knackered from the flamenco dancers last night and this is actually the first lie in you have had since you were so drunk at your sister’s wedding, you failed to notice them jumping on your head the following morning!

2. 11:00 AM: mid-morning yoga poolside with kindle and a bloody great big cocktail. Just work that core and see if you can, “Nama-stay upright”.

3. 2:00 PM: afternoon paddle-boarding A way to escape the hot sand? Check. A way to relax in easy reach of the water? Check. Pass the Margarita sunshine, I’m getting on that lilo!

4. 5:00 PM: evening HIIT The sun’s just dipped, but it’s still warm, perfect conditions for a quick splash in the sea and back to the apartment to get ready to party!

5. 9:00 PM: sunset stroll…ok, this is a maybe, “it’s the perfect way to end the day and reduce the impact of all that good food”…oh and there was me, stupidly thinking that it was just a romantic walk along the beach with the other half.

Adverts for products that are masquerading as ways in which we should exist: fuck off! Nobody needs your guilt trips. Ever. Especially not on holiday.

Talking of which, I may be a bit quieter over the next month…

Happy relaxing hols 🙂

6 thoughts on “Fake Tan”

  1. I love the gym….. But not on my holiday!!! Speaking of which- it’s cocktail o’clock, must dash! Have a great holiday xx #fortheloveofBLOG

  2. Have a fantastic holiday, I hope you get to have some baby free time. But do not feel guilty, even if you have wine for breakfast. You have done an amazing thing bringing up a baby, and need to celebrate that. Holidays are having fun as a family, but also indulging yourself too, and also having some time for yourself. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

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