Thoughts laid bare

Lots of people don’t like baths. I’ve often heard the excuse that it’s because they don’t like the idea of lying in their own dirt – but this seems a little extreme to me. My theory is that they feel uncomfortable spending too much time confronted by their own, naked body and I fully admit that it can be quite scary. It’s not something we tend to do, especially in Winter. The trick is lots of bubbles and candlelight and settle in for a lovely soak. 

This morning, however, I discovered a drawback: daylight. As I lay there staring my pre-Christmas: ‘I don’t give a shit’ body, swooshing the bubbles around to cover up the worst bits, the sight of the bloat made my mind wander to pregnancy and what if I were pregnant now? Impossible! I hear some of you cry, as partner has had the chop. But no – I know someone who got pregnant, despite her husband having had a vasectomy about 15 years before. He even did a paternity test – you’d want to be sure. Their youngest was just finishing university. Life had moved on. What a dilemma. 

So, as I lay in my bath moving bubbles over curves, I imagined myself being pregnant. I even envisaged the birth, to the point where I remembered that thought at 39 weeks of: I don’t want to go through with this – I found that particularly with my fourth. I thought about the age gap there would be and my age: 46 and how much harder it would be now. Would I parent differently with 18 years of experience under my belt, or would I return to not having a clue about babies? Plus a different dad, a different dynamic and different genes. 

By the time I started thinking about genes, my bath water was losing its wonderful heat and I needed to give my legs and arm pits some attention, ready for the Christmas party season to begin. But I did have time for one last thought: what would I do? Would I keep the baby? 

You see, I’m at that age that I feel I don’t want to return to the disruption and total carnage that youngsters bring to your life. I’m at that age where step children have left home and my eldest is applying for University. I’m at that age where I would be treated with kid gloves by the medical profession, as I would be considered extremely high risk. Yet, I’m still at that age where I could be pregnant. I’m not, but I could be. 

It’s a very frightening thought. It’s a thought I would only have in the bath, naked and staring at my tummy. I pulled the plug and the thought disappeared with the bath water- almost. 

life-moves-on

24 thoughts on “Thoughts laid bare”

  1. I don’t have 18 years parenting experience yet 🙂 but I think the thought of being pregnant again (I have 2 girls, 3 and 1 year old) will definitely scare me. If I am pregnant again, I really want to be ready in my head 🙂 #bigpinklink

    1. I used to hear people say: I’m out of that stage now, I couldn’t go back. Now I really understand what they mean! Thank you for your comments.

  2. Wow I loved this! As the mother of an unexpected 2nd child with a 6 1/2 age gap there were/are definitely some of those feelings! (I’d just avoid the bath 😉 )

  3. Ooh-err… I don’t like to ponder on this too much. I’ve got two young girls who are 5 and 3 but I’m not sure I would want another one now as life moves on so much. Could I go back to sleepless nights again? Not sure!! #bigpinklink

  4. What a great post,I’m 44 and would love to have another little one.I was in Tescos today and a newborn passed by in a trolley and I felt such a pang it actually hurt!Be gutted when its all over and I’m properly barren!x #anythinggoes

    1. Yes – that pang! And when that feeling goes it will actually probably feel natural and right. Thank you so much for your comments x

  5. Personally I love a bath. I don’t have them very often these days as I don’t have time. A quick shower usually has to do but I do try and have a bubble bath once a week when the kids are in bed.

    I’m also that perso who had a bay and then started all over again 16 years later. It definately wasn’t like riding a bike but then my son was much more hard work. (He has additional needs although I didn’t know it at the time). So I have a 19 year old, a four year old, and a two year old ason well as a 9 month old grandaughter. They all live at home with me and my husband and the dog. My home is a mad house and the thought of adding another one to the mix scares the living daylights out of me. Maybe I should speak to my hubby about having the snip. Scary tha you know someone who had the procedure and it failed. Can you imagine? Doesn’t even bare thinking about. *shudders*

    #marvmondays

    1. Wow! No wonder you are scared at the thought! What an amazing mix – it must be full on, but I’m sure it has its rewards too. The failed procedure was a shock and a nightmare – not a nice decision for them to have to make. Thank you so much for all your comments.

  6. We have a 10 yr age gap between the Twins and Bubs and I feel we are complete. All those years of seeing newborns and getting that pang are now over. No more brooding, no more longing.
    I do tend to avoid baths though as they just give me too much time to think!!
    #marvmondays

  7. Having a hysterectomy was a really strange time for me because it awakened feelings I never realised I had. There is a difference between choosing not to have another baby and not being able to and I found that a real struggle. I suppose it’s always nice to dream we have that moment again and then to return to reality. Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime

  8. Such a well written post – I really didn’t see where you were going to take us – so thought-provoking about how we perceive our bodies, about pregnancy, about different stages in life and so on. Loved the lighter moments thrown in too – you reminded me I need to do a good defuzz!!!! 😉

  9. This post totally covered what I love about a bath (I don’t buy the laying in your own filth either – if you’re that dirty that’s a worry, probably bathing isn’t your strong suit lol). You have that time to just lay there and ponder things that otherwise maybe wouldn’t come up.
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
    Debbie

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