Have you ever?

Have you ever been in a situation in which you know a person’s behaviour is just so incredibly wrong, but you feel completely helpless? When your children are being put at risk and there is nothing you can do? When your child is being manipulated and emotionally blackmailed by people who should know better? When these people then turn on you and tell you to “shut up and listen!” When they tell you that you are ‘disturbed’ and ‘disgraceful’. When they tell your children that you are a ‘control freak’ in order for them to try to keep their tight grip around them.

Have you ever wanted to tell everyone you speak to about the injustice? To see their shocked faces? To hear the disbelief in their voice? To hope they can give you a solution?

Have you ever thought to yourself that something can’t be happening, but you know that it is? Turning thoughts over and over in your mind to try to make sense of nonsense. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, where there is no doubt that they are wrong.

Have you ever had someone try to crush you? With actions and with words. Try to twist the truth so much that you are looking the distorted picture in the face and thinking, ‘how did we end up here?’ And ‘why?’ Have you ever had people try to turn your loyal and innocent children against you? To involve them for a plotted end game.

Have you ever been told by someone that you are, ‘deeply unhappy’? When in their arrogant and misplaced wisdom, they are so deeply wrong.

Yet more importantly, have you ever risen? Heaved yourself up when you were exhausted by the emotional fight. Watched the confusion from afar. Almost pitied those people for what they’ve done. Have you ever found a resolution through composure? Through sense – common and good. Have you ever stood on the higher ground and smiled?

Have you ever?

29 thoughts on “Have you ever?”

  1. What a thought provoking post. I have, and sometimes I have risen, and sometimes I have kept quiet. I think it depends on the situation but I do think sometimes the coward in all of us gets the better of us when really it shouldn’t. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

    1. That’s so true – the coward sometimes wins. I find that it’s not always so much ‘the coward’, but wanting to be facilitating and then I find it can backfire. Thank you so much for your comments xx

  2. Oh we have a situation at the moment that I could really relate to this – hugely! Am I allowed to admit that I am super proud that I have risen above the situation where it could be oh so bloody tempting to holler and holler at that person. Deep breaths lovely! Don’t let anyone dampen your style! #CoolMumClub

    1. Well done you! Isn’t it just so, so hard to do? However, ultimately it is absolutely the best thing. Thank you for your support x

  3. It certainly brings up uncomfortable memories of soul-crushing situations created by people very close to me. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to stand up for myself, always too upset to say anything coherent at the time.

    1. I know exactly what you mean and that feels awful too, because you know that you shouldn’t be a doormat, but you simply feel overpowered. It took my mum saying to me a few years ago: stop letting him walk over you! For me to gain strength. Thank you so much for your comments.

  4. Wow this is such a powerful post and really got me thinking. I think we can all relate to being in that position, and sometimes I have risen and other times kept quiet. Great post. #coolmumclub

    1. I’m the same. It really does depend. I also find I draw strength from what others say about the situation – people whose opinions I trust. Thank you so much for your comments.

  5. Wow – another powerful post lovely. It made me realise how lucky I am with the people around me that generally I don’t have feelings like this now and if I do I handle them pretty directly. But yes, there have been times in the past when people have tried to make me believe ‘their’ interpretation of and I have found it very difficult. You do write beautifully – I hope that book is still in the pipeline. #ablogginggoodtime x

  6. really powerful and thought provoking piece. When Aspen was 2 my brother told me he had no feeling for my daughter, he told me that she gives his wife dirty looks full of hatred. I was devastated. My little girl was just 2! And whilst he stood there attacking her I was pregnant with our second child, it was Christmas and all I could do was cry. I should have told him his wife was ridiculous, that no 34 year old woman should think she is a victim to a 2 year old innocent child. I should have told my brother he was cruel and naive. But I didn’t. I wanted to keep family peace so I sucked it up. My daughter was shy, and knew nothing of hate, how could she when she was only 2 and lived in a loving happy environment. I should have stood up. I won’t make that mistake again. #mg

    1. Oh that is really awful. Have you managed to move on from it, or does a part of you still resent those dreadful remarks, preventing you from letting go? x

      1. to be honest there is part of it all that still hurts, or at least makes me sad. My brother and I were like best friends before he met his now wife and it changed a lot in our family, not just for me, but for my parents and our other 2 siblings. They now love Aspen and think she is a wonderful girl, which she is, but was when she was 2 also. It is hard to let go of. I have moved passed it, and know that the issue lies with them, not with my daughter or I. The truth was as my brother told me later that he was also jealous that I had a girl, he wanted a girl, and he wanted to be the first in our family to have a girl and my sister had had two boys and then he had 2 boys. So he resented Aspen and I for that, as did his wife. It was 10 years ago and we are now closer again, but it still hurts a bit.

        1. Wow! Jealousy is such a powerful emotion. I know exactly what you mean about moving passed it, but it still making you feel sad.

  7. Yes. After years of trying to resolve it, we drew a line and let them go. Whenever we meet, there is no snark or confrontation, we are just unbelievably nice. Which seems to freak them out no end.

    I don’t know what’s going on in your life that’s provoked this post, but am sending tea and good thoughts. #mg

    1. Thank you so much – your thoughts are very much appreciated. When I am nice, it is taken as sarcasm. It’s so much better when we communicate face to face, but that, sadly, doesn’t happen.

  8. How people can have Hatred for Kids. Yes, I too observe people transmitting negative vibes about Kids. Once we were out for shopping and while I was at Billing counter, a Father to other Kid looked at my Son who was 1.5 years then and asked me his age. Immediately, he said” he seems weak” I was filled with anger but still managed to reply calmly that “he is not weak but slim just like his Mother.” There are many like him who try to make others feel inferior but I deal them directly.

    1. The direct approach is usually best. It doesn’t have to be aggressively confrontational, just standing up and not being a doormat. This is how I want my kids to be.

    1. I am gradually getting better at ignoring, but only through a lot of support from family and friends. Thank you so much for your comments.

  9. Alison if I feel I or a member of my family have been wronged I put my warrior head on and deal with it whilst smiling with fangs, ie calmly and with compsure, but my general mantra and one I am trying to impart to my teens is “to rise above it” and this is certainly true the older and wiser I get. #mg

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