Find a penny, pick it up, all day long, the person behind you who picked it up after you dropped it, will have good luck. That is how it started. It ended with a trip to minor injuries. The bit in between was fine, except that it involved buying a new bread knife, which partner cut himself with at lunchtime.
I am upstairs and hear the dreaded exclamation of ‘ow!’ and then silence. I am mid pee – I take my pelvic floor to the limit by running downstairs. I’m not good with blood. Put it in the air, I say, helpfully. I’m a first aider, I know what to do, as long as I keep my eyes shut. I’m going through procedure: apply pressure, do you feel faint, keep it in the air – I’m like a competent, but blind nurse. Then, I spot the bagel on the side with the knife still through it. You were cutting exactly how I’ve been telling you not to for the past 5 years, weren’t you? I begin to rant, and then when you ignored me I told the kids not to copy you…I’m really upset now. So upset that I’ve forgotten about partner standing with his finger in the air, waiting patiently for me to stop. But I’m not about to stop any time soon. I’m so angry with you, I continue. How could you be so stupid, after me going on at you for so long about it. Partner is edging out of the door. I’m off to minor injuries he says, as the door shuts behind him. It’s then I remember about his finger and I feel bad that I wasn’t more sympathetic. I go back into the kitchen to wash the knife. Dog 2 is capitalising on the situation and has eaten the two bagels that were being cut. I fill up the kettle, which reminds me to finish my pee. I’m feeling rather proud of my bladder control, whilst at the same time feeling bad that I was such a terrible nurse. I decide to send partner a sympathetic text. I scroll the emojis for something suitable, but can only find the big thumbs up sign, so that has to do. I juxtapose it with a sad face, so as not to seem heartless. I can’t find a knife emoji, so cut my losses with a few kisses and press send.
Later that evening we are reconvening over a bottle of wine. I hope you’ve learnt your lesson from this, I say to partner. I am fully aware of the potential for this to sound patronising, but I absolutely have to say it anyway. Partner nods his head and looks extremely sheepish. I leave it at that. Today has come full circle, as the penny has finally dropped.