The Voice of Experience Talks Teenage Girls

I thought that it was probably about time I stepped up to the mark and talked about teenage girls in my: Voice of Experience series. I have/have had quite a few (nearly 5) and although I am absolutely not an expert, I feel that I have waded through enough selfies and blusher brushes to at least voice my experiences of them.

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You will get to know the postman extremely well, as he or she will be delivering ASOS products and packages from China to your door weekly, possibly daily.

The Ikea shoe rack you bought when your kids were toddlers, no longer caters for 1, let alone any more teenagers. Shoes will take over your house. Shoes and boots. Teenage girls will continue to buy shoes and boots that look exactly like the shoes and boots they already own.

Despite duplicating shoes and boots regularly, they will constantly tell you that they have no money.

They shave their thighs. I was so shocked when I learnt this on holiday in Spain this year, I almost spat out my sangria. Yes, you heard me: their thighs…or perhaps I’m the last to know?

Contrary to popular belief, they don’t initially like to shower. It requires way too much effort. Once they hit 16ish, showering suddenly becomes very important.

They will quite happily take shit photos of you to feed their Snapchat story, but will demand that you delete even the nicest shots of them. They will threaten to report you for child abuse if you don’t.

They will not take off their school jumper, even in a heatwave.

They will not wear a coat, even in a monsoon. Unless it is a coat they have bought – which won’t keep the rain out anyway.

They have a very different concept of appropriate clothing to their parents. They will quite happily let their arse hang out of a pair of shorts and wear see-through leggings. This is very normal behaviour for a teenage girl and to suggest otherwise simply shows how ignorant you are.

They will bake cakes. Quite a lot.

They will pout. I never wanted to believe that my girls would ever pout. I honestly didn’t think they had the pouting gene. They are not even embarrassed by their pouting.

They will have friend issues. You will never quite get to the bottom of it. Just as you think you have nailed the friend that is being the little bitch, bam – that one is the bestie. Stand well back. Be there for them when they allow you onto their hallowed turf, otherwise keep a safe distance. That way, you are doing everyone a favour.

They will wear fake nails. You will find fake nails in odd places. The dog will shit fake nails.

Your house will smell like a whore’s boudoir all the time.

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Teenage girls can never have too many bags.

They have somehow managed to create a word, the sole purpose of which is to describe perfectly groomed eyebrows. They may talk of getting an eyebrow tattoo…this does not mean they want their boyfriend’s name across their temple.

They can make you feel like the most unfashionable/unkempt/ignorant idiot with a mere look. If the word: ‘on fleek’ was invented by teenage girls to describe eyebrows, I think the word: ‘disdain’ was actually invented by teenage girls to describe how they feel when they look at their parents.

Above all, teenage girls are vivacious, loving, astute and savvy and I feelΒ  extremely privileged to have the terrifying task of bringing them up as single-minded individuals.

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14 thoughts on “The Voice of Experience Talks Teenage Girls”

  1. What, What?! I am in shock, they shave their thighs! Should we be shaving our thighs? Have I missed something here? Although, I remember when I was a teenager I was convinced that I had hairy nostrils (I didn’t) but I did come very close to using my dad’s nose trimmer! The things we do as a teenager! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    1. Haha! Apparently yes, we should! I spoke to another teen today who said to me: what did you mean in your blog about shaving your thighs? Don’t you? NOOOOOOO. I DON”T! Why not? She replied! Oh my god…As for hairy nostrils *snorts!

  2. I’ve got all this to come! Thankfully with just one daughter – plus my son who’ll be teenage first! Can I opt for her baking lots of cakes and take a rain check on the rest?? Will probably nick her perfume and get her to sort my eyebrows! So..ahem, looking forward to it!! x #FridayFrolics

  3. ….and your daughters all do martial arts, right?? Then again, that’s a good thing. I hope my kids stick with karate through to their teenaged years. Anyway, with two young daughters, I know this is all heading my way in just a few years time.

  4. Hi Alison, I only have one teenage daughter (16) and I hear you! Sometimes I can’t breathe for the perfume sprayed. And I do count my lucky stars that she’s not onto false nails (yet)… When we had a chat about shaving her thighs, she actually listened and never went there. Something I expect a thank you for one day in the future. As for bums hanging out of shorts? I keep threatening to blow raspberries on it, that usually gets her to put it away.

    You have my utmost respect; nearly five teenage girls? You deserve a medal!

    xx

  5. I’m with them on the thighs – sorry! Now I think about it, I baked cakes a lot as a teenager. Never since! Good insight for me on what’s to come here!

    Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time.

  6. Flippin’ heck!I thought having a teen boy was bad enough!I see so many of the things I did here though!I would never ever wear a coat & my Mum was forever telling me I’d “catch my death” πŸ˜€ x

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