Many of you reading this will have young children. You may well be shitting yourself as we speak, because it’s nearly midnight and you’re yet to think of what the Elf on the fucking shelf can get up to in the night. Because the pressure is most certainly on to make Christmas for your little ones as magical and memorable as you remember yours were. Because of this and only because of this, you will happily be woken up at 6am tomorrow, iPhone at the ready, to record your little ones discovering that the naughty elf has emptied out the sugar and in it are drawn the words: ‘I’m bloody knackerd, ok? This is all I could manage.’ Not one for the boast feed on Facebook or the Instagram photo perhaps. Don’t worry though, there are 17 more days to make up for it (gulp).
When my kids were younger, I too can remember thinking to myself: make the most of this really mind-blowingly, hyped-up excitement, because when they are teenagers, they won’t give a shit. They will have long discovered that Father Christmas isn’t real, they’ll want a lie-in on Christmas morning and won’t have any money to buy Christmas presents, because they will have spent it all on make-up brushes.
Well you know what? I couldn’t have been more wrong.
My teens are rocking Christmas! My god, they’ve been rocking it since October. Packages from China have been coming thick and fast! They have been excitedly showing me what they have bought each other and almost giving it away. Presents have already been wrapped and hidden in drawers under beds. Christmas music has been downloaded onto their phones and Christmas songs are hummed at breakfast. Last night, daughter 3 harangued me to put up the Christmas decorations, until I was beaten into submission by her pleading. We now have two trees, tinsel everywhere and even a star hanging from the front door. Christ these teens know how to start a Christmas party!
So for those of you with little ones, who may be concerned that you have limited time to make your children’s Christmas special, I have one word of advice: don’t burn yourself out, because trust me, you have many, many years of this ahead.